5 Common Conscious Parenting Rookie Mistakes (and how to fix them)

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Common Conscious Parenting Mistakes

If you’re a conscious parenting rookie, this post is for you! Full disclosure: I am by no means a conscious parenting expert (if you want to hear from one, scroll down a bit for my chat with Yolanda Williams) but the hubs and I started our conscious parenting journey when my oldest turned two (she’s now seven) and have continued our commitment with my five year old and three year old, and year old twins.

Today, I’m sharing the mistakes we made (plus, what to do instead) so you can learn from us. FYI, this list is definitely not comprehensive. But, these are the most common conscious mistakes I see from fellow parents most often, so I figured it would be helpful to address them.

But first, what exactly is conscious parenting?

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What Is Conscious Parenting?

You may have heard the terms conscious parenting and positive parenting used interchangeably. Technically though, conscious parenting is slightly different in that it focuses mainly on the parent and how we react to our child’s behavior rather than the behavior itself.

For us, the first thing we try to remember is that there’s always a reason for the behavior, whether the kids are craving connection, overtired, feeling sad or angry, or it’s just age-appropriate behavior that’s par for the course. Once we figure out where the behavior is coming from, we can figure out the best way to address it.

Another part of our journey has been determining whether the rules and boundaries we provide for the kids come from a place of protection and guidance or more from a place of control.

In conscious parenting, children are not malleable subjects to be molded to the parents’ wills; instead they are recognized as their own people with their own thoughts, needs, and wants.

As conscious parents, it’s our job to help our babies learn and grow while also honoring their unique personhood.

So, with all that being said, let’s get into these common mistakes!

image describing what conscious parenting is and what it is not

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Top 5 Conscious Parenting Mistakes And How To Avoid Them

1. Not Doing The Research

This one’s easy to do. When we’re starting out as parents, we’re told “You got this! Don’t worry, your motherly instincts will take of everything!” The overall theme always seems to be that we, as the parents, automatically know what’s best, and, therefore, there’s no need to research or educate ourselves.

The idea that parents innately know what to do to care for our babies is true… sort of. But I have found, especially as my babies have gotten older, that there are tons of situations that come up where I am flat out stumped.

When I first began my conscious parenting journey when Aria was two, I did A LOT of research to figure out the best approach to all things discipline and connection. When it comes to conscious parenting, research and education are EVERYTHING, ya’ll.

The truth is, this method of parenting won’t come easily or naturally for most of us, because of the way we were raised and the way we see other children raised in general. And that’s okay! Head to the bottom of this post for a few of my favorite beginner-friendly conscious parenting resources to get you started.

2. Not Getting Your Partner and/ or Village On Board

Though conscious parenting isn’t necessarily a new concept, it does seem to have recently gained a lot of traction, especially for millenial parents. So it’s entirely likely that this particular parenting method will be unfamiliar to your partner or your kids’ grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.

For the record, getting your partner and the folks in your village on board with your parenting style doesn’t mean getting their permission. But, if your village will have a hand in raising or helping to support your children in any way, it’s important to have that discussion with them and give them the tools they need for success while they’re taking care of your children.

And, of course, parenting decisions are always best made together with your co-parent if possible.

3. Not Taking Time To Yourself

You know that saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”? Well, it’s especially true when it comes to conscious parenting. Honestly, this method takes a lot more effort than just spanking, sending to timeout, yelling, or some combo of the three.

And it’s MUCH harder to do when you’re burned out. This includes the basics like drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, eating well, etc. But it also includes taking time whenever you can to pour into yourself and honor who you are outside of motherhood.

I know, it’s easier said than done! But it’s definitely worth it to carve out time whenever you can to put yourself first; your kids will thank you for it!

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed, that will definitely make it harder to show up the way your children need you to. These eight helpful tips are great for Moms who are struggling with finding their calm.

4. Confusing Conscious Parenting With Permissive Parenting

Yes, there’s a difference! I’m in several conscious parenting Facebook groups (which I’ll link at the bottom of this post, in case you’re interested) and I see this common conscious parenting mistake all the time, especially from newer members.

With this method of parenting, there’s a huge focus on controlling our reaction to what is usually very age-appropriate behavior from our children. If you’re not familiar with the concept, this can look a lot like permissive parenting.

But, here’s the thing: conscious parenting still involves setting boundaries with your children while offering guidance and discipline whenever needed.

conscious parenting vs permissive parenting

Toddler mamas, this one’s for you! If you’re brand new to conscious parenting, please check out: How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting Or Yelling; it’s PERFECT for beginners!

5. Expecting “Immediate” Results

Rome wasn’t built in a day! That’s the last cliché in this post, I promise(; My point is, especially if you’re just starting out or your kids are a little older, don’t expect to see HUGE changes overnight.

Conscious parenting, like parenting in general, is an ongoing journey. And, again, a lot of the behavior we see from our kids is normal and age appropriate. The thing about age appropriate behavior? They eventually grow out of it as they mature and learn more about their world. As parents, it’s our job to provide loving guidance and build strong bonds with our children while they’re maturing and learning.

So, committing to conscious parenting definitely doesn’t mean you’ll immediately have perfect, well-behaved (whatever that means) children.

For me, consciously parenting my babies has given me a deeper insight into WHY they do the things they do. In turn, this has helped me develop better strategies to support them in their mental and emotional growth through connection, respect, and kindness.

The goal is to offer guidance and support as they become the people they’re meant to be.

Bonus Mistake: Thinking You Have To Be A “Perfect” Parent

You don’t! The hubs and I have made plenty of mistakes with our kids, and I’m sure we’ll make plenty more before they’re all grown and out of the house. That’s just the reality of parenting, right?

Conscious parenting doesn’t mean you suddenly have all the answers, or that you respond perfectly in every situation. You may still lose your temper sometimes. The important thing is, you take the mistakes along the way as learning opportunities for improvement, and you keep it moving. That’s all any of us can do.

So, that’s the post, ya’ll! I hope you’ll learn from my mistakes and if you have other tips to add, please write me in the comments below(:

Tools & Resources For Conscious Parenting Beginners

BOOKS ON CONSCIOUS PARENTING

Parenting For Liberation: A Guide For Raising Black Children, by Trina Greene Brown

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children, by Dr. Shefali Tsabari

Ages And Stages: A Parent’s Guide To Normal Childhood Development, by Charles E. Schaefer

The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies To Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind, by Daniel J. Siegel

CONSCIOUS PARENTING FACEBOOK GROUPS

Conscious Parenting For The Culture (make sure to check out the units section for quick, bite-sized tips to help you along your conscious parenting journey)

Conscious Parenting For Black Moms

Positive And Conscious Adulting For The Culture

Gentle Parents Unite